“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”
— Gimli from the Lord of the Rings
It’s not if, but when you will be tasked with getting through hard times. Here’s what to do when it happens. Also, I’m including quotes from The Lord of the Rings because I’m a nerd and I named my cat Frodo (these quotes are from a list curated by Scary Mommy).
Understand the Root Cause
You can’t solve a problem or deal with it well if you don’t understand it. Whenever you face difficulties, first make sure you pinpoint the source so that you can deal with it precisely. Here are some common reasons for hardship.
Financial Distress: This one is about to get more common as inflation is high and savings are dwindling. Many people are living paycheck to paycheck, including higher income people.
Poor physical health: This is one of the most difficult parts about being human. We are fragile and temporary.
Poor mental health: Mental health issues seem to have exploded in modern times. I have personally wrestled with anxiety. It’s not fun.
Conflict: Relationship conflict more common than Seattle rain. It can cause great distress nonetheless, Jess.
I know this step may seem obvious, but it’s actually very easy to miss these root causes. You can focus on negative feelings, for example, without tracing them back to specific causes. And then when you treat the feelings, you haven’t done anything about what caused them. If you’re going through a hard time, clearly articulate or write down the root causes now.
Pursue a Full or Partial Solution
“Your time will come. You will face the same Evil, and you will defeat it.”
— Arwen from The Lord of the Rings
When your struggles have a specific cause that you can solve, well, that’s your answer for getting through hard times. End them! Problem solving is an essential skill. Think about the difference between someone who quickly addresses a problem vs one who lets it compound.
Even if a full solution isn’t possible, such as in terminal illness, there are often measures you can take to improve the situation. Are there partial solutions that can help? Can medications manage your symptoms or mitigate the progression of disease? If so, that incremental progress can improve your life and is worth it.
If your financial situation is dire, a part-time job might not be the long-term key to your financial woes, but it can help you right now and serve as a starting point for further improvement.
Partial solutions are underrated for getting through hard times. If you take an all or nothing approach, you may miss key stepping stones that will take you to the full solution you need. We can’t always see the light at the end of the path we need to take. Sometimes, we just need to head in a good direction and figure it out as we go. As Bilbo says, “Not all those who wander are lost.”
Find the Light
“Home is behind, the world ahead, and there are many paths to tread through shadows to the edge of night, until the stars are all alight.”
— J.R.R. Tolkien
When one or more parts of your life are going poorly, it’s awfully easy to let your entire world go dark. But I promise you, there is always light in the world and light in your life, and if you seek it, you’ll find it shines even brighter in dark times.
I can’t stress enough how important this is. Aside from finding a solution to escape hard times, seeing the light in your life is the single most important thing you can do. It’s so easy to not do it and let pessimism and cynicism take over your mind. But if you choose to see the light in your life, you will find greater emotional balance and stability, both of which can help you navigate the rough waters of life.
Getting through hard times is simple, not easy. They’re called hard times for a reason, but you are likely far more resilient than you think you are, especially when you choose the correct approach. Seek solutions and find those pockets of light.
“It’s like in the great stories, my Frodo. The ones that really mattered… and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? But, in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass.”
— Samwise Gamgee (from LOTR)
