Happiness is an interesting topic, because it’s a fleeting feeling more than a constant one. But there are underlying habitual processes that “generate” happiness or discontent. So as for how to be happier, it comes down to understanding key inflection points in the way you think.
The easiest way to be happier is to know what you’re doing right now and to focus on it (and only it).
This is not merely theory, it has been shown that wandering minds are less happy than those focused on their current activity. It’s also intuitive. Look at this picture.
Looking at this family, you can see that everyone seems happy. Sure, they may be acting for a stock photo, but imagine that this was a candid snapshot of a family in the park. We can derive an answer to the “how to be happier” question just from seeing this photo.
We see happy expressions, and there’s only one reason for them—everyone is fully focused on this moment. The kids aren’t thinking about video games. The parents aren’t thinking about bills, taxes, or doctors appointments. Each one is caught up in the moment of running in the park. And you can see the result on their faces.
This is profound because they’re just lightly jogging or chasing each other. It’s not like they’re wearing augmented reality headsets and are experiencing virtual life on Mars (though that would be cool!). Doing a very basic thing makes them happy because they’re focused on nothing else.
A focused mind is always happier than a wandering one, even when the focal point is nothing extraordinary.
You have to wonder… how much of mental wandering is caused by our desire to experience the extraordinary? In our quest to find something better, we miss what’s best—the here and now.
For all of the advanced tactics you could possibly create for personal development, it’s often these simple concepts that have the greatest impact. This one in particular doesn’t require much effort, it’s a choice to focus on what you’re doing now instead of what you might be doing or facing in the future (or what you did in the past). But while the answer is simple, there’s a complication that’s probably in your hands or pocket right now…
How to Be Happier: Master Your Phone
I hate to blame technology, but I’m doing it anyway. Cell phones, namely, tend to distract us from the present moment. You could argue that using your cell phone is focusing on what you’re doing, but that doesn’t align with the way most people use their cell phones. Focused, intentional activity is rare for smartphone users. Here are some of the ways our phones pull us away from the present moment.
- Notifications: In the middle of writing this article, I received an email notification on my phone. I checked it, and it pulled me away from my focus on this article. This is why I put email notifications on silent (new phone, so I haven’t changed it yet).
- Digital wandering: The aforementioned study that found mental wandering increased unhappiness was done through smartphone technology. That’s no coincidence! Mindless social media scrolling is aimless activity. I’ll also scroll through my google newsfeed mindlessly. And to be clear, I don’t demonize either of these, but it’s important to know that we can find greater joy elsewhere. I recommend moderation over elimination.
- Escape outlet: Have you ever seen someone uncomfortable whip out their phone? Phones are one of the main ways people escape the world… and the present moment. It feels comfortable, but it will decrease your happiness. Never forget that challenges can be a great source of happiness. In contrast, a life without challenge may be boring and unfulfilling.
It’s More Than Smartphones
I mentioned smartphones because that’s an immediate and actionable area most people can address to be happier. Right now, I recommend turning off non-urgent vibration or audible notifications. Control your phone, don’t let it control you. Or if you’ve learned to ignore notifications and check them when you’re ready, I suppose that’s fine too.
Aside from that major source of wandering, you can practice being present in every situation. Ask yourself, “What am I doing right now and am I fully engaged?” I’ve been doing this more recently, and I find it greatly increases my happiness in the moment. Conversations become more interesting. Sights and sounds around me come to life in a new way. It enables me to appreciate every little aspect of being alive that I would otherwise miss with my mind worry about what’s next.
This is the way to be happier. It’s simple. It’s easy. It takes no real effort, you just need to keep it in mind and gently remind yourself that the present moment is where you’ll find the best things life can offer you.
