One morning, I woke up with anxiety. The tension raised my shoulders and tightened my stomach. I sat down to think for a moment about what was going on, and I realized the root of my problem. I was discontent.
I wasn’t discontent in the way that I typically think of the word. I wasn’t sad or depressed about my life. I have a great life, which is why I found it so interesting.
The discontent, I realized, was the result of a nagging false belief I had let overcome me in recent days. It was the belief that I wasn’t good enough yet, that I hadn’t reached the arbitrary next level I was looking for. I felt a massive burden to work much much harder to master certain aspects of my life. I felt so far from the finish line.
But once I realized that, I gained significant power over my anxiety. Why? Because I shut down those beliefs easily by subjecting them to the truth.
Truth one: We are good enough in this moment.
There’s no special gauge to tell us that we are or are not good enough. There are no blood tests for this. The false notion that we aren’t good enough can only be supported by its vagueness. Get more specific about ways you think you might not be good enough, and you’ll see that none of it true.
- Will making more money make me good enough? No, my worth is separate from money.
- Will greater success make me good enough? No, others’ opinion of me doesn’t define me.
- Will fewer mistakes make me good enough? No, I’ll always make mistakes, and that’s okay.
- Will improving this behavior make me good enough? No, because it would be ridiculous to base my self worth on one thing, good or bad.
We are all good enough right now, without any further improvement. Let your mind find peace in that thought.
Truth two: Timing is our own. Lifestyle is subjective and open-ended. Mastery is optional.
Aside from the laws that govern our countries, there are no rules in life. You don’t have to do anything specifically. You don’t have to be anyone specifically. You might feel pressure to do and be certain things, but those are not laws, they are suggestions from the external world… suggestions that you may ignore!
The power and freedom from this realization alone can set you free if you’ve never reflected on it or admitted it. It can free you from crippling shame about not reaching arbitrary standards that you or someone else has set. It can free you from self-esteem issues that are based on what you haven’t yet done. Your lifestyle right now, as long as it’s legal, is okay. It’s fine! It’s supposed to be unique, and different from what others do.
Don’t be so critical of yourself, be critical of the measuring stick you’re using.
There are certainly things we all want to master, but there’s no rush. Sure, we will die someday, but that’s the only time limit we are subject to. This isn’t to encourage laziness, but to free ourselves from the pressure to live 36 hour days in 24 hours. The pressure to do everything now can move us forward in the short-term, but it will only wear us down and cripple us in the long-term. Freedom is a more powerful motivator when used correctly.
Truth three: There is no finish line.
Life is a journey. It doesn’t matter how cliche that is, because it is the profound truth. From birth to death is one giant journey. We arrive at our destination upon death, but given the implications of death (not existing anymore), it only makes sense to focus on the journey leading up to it.
I think it’s a big mistake to set destinations within your lifetime. What do you do when you reach a destination in your car? You stop driving. What do you do when you reach a destination in life? You stop living.
Those who reach great success early in life are so often shaken by it because they must confront the heavy fact that nobody ever “makes it.” You may be the single greatest, most successful person ever before the age of 20, but that doesn’t stop your journey. That doesn’t solve all of your problems or make you perfect. You still have years of learning, growth, challenges, wins, and losses yet to unfold. This fact only becomes difficult if you believe in the “destination within life” fallacy (many people do).
Yes, there are desirable achievements to reach. Yes, there are proverbial mountains to climb. But contentment is not found on top of a mountain, it’s found before, during, and after the climb (including the top).
The truth is that there are no final destinations so long as we are alive. The end of one adventure is the beginning of another. No checkpoint can fulfill a person. Only the love of the journey can fulfill us. Thus, let’s focus more on the experiences we have instead of the milestones we desire. It’s the experiences that define our journey.
Conclusion
“I’m already here, but I’ll keep going.”
This phrase sums up my thoughts. I’m here. I have everything I need to be content in this imperfect and beautiful life. I’ve already arrived, in the sense that I will never “arrive” in this lifetime.
Many of the ways we value ourselves and our lives are based on lies. Lies about what makes a person valuable. Lies about who we should be and what we should do with our time. When you cut through the noise, life is a lot more lenient and enjoyable. We can achieve great things, not because we need them to validate our insecurities, but because that’s what we want to do with our lives.
You and I, we’re already here. Let’s keep going because we enjoy the journey.
