There’s a story that has circulated on the internet for years about a man who sued his wife for being ugly. According to the always-truthful internet, the ugly wife had extensive plastic surgery to become beautiful, they married, and she gave birth to an ugly baby. Afterwards, he found out she was ugly and had surgery, sued for deceit, and won $120,000. Snopes, which is also a part of the internet, claims this story is false.
While probably false, this story is very interesting to me. It clearly intends to send a message about the danger and folly of vanity, but there are layers to this story!
From the man’s perspective, he was deceived by his pretty yet ugly wife. But notably, he was happily deceived until the baby arrived. And let’s be real, he’s no angel if he loved his child any less for being ugly! What if his child was born with cerebral palsy or something? Would he sue his wife then, too? Come on, man. An ugly baby is no reason to go to court.
I have plenty of sympathy for the wife. She had an ugly face, and did what she felt she had to do to live the life she wanted. And she did so without hurting anyone… intentionally. People get plastic surgery all the time, it’s just that hers was so drastic that it was deemed “deceptive” in court. Fake court, because the story isn’t real.
Cosmetic Deception is Rampant
All plastic surgery is technically deceptive. It’s the modification of a person’s body that can’t (typically) be achieved naturally. While I think many people judge the very idea of it, I don’t think that’s appropriate. If I want to have a huge butt, but my genetics won’t allow it, why shouldn’t I be able to have one?
Steroids are deceptive because they make building muscle easier than it is for non-juicers. An anonymous redditor said he’d “Admit to taking molly, acid, and crack, but would never admit to taking steroids.” That’s because he knows how differently people would perceive him (and his physique) if they knew he “cheated” to get it. It’s interesting where we draw lines.
Wearing makeup is deceptive. It hides the true color of skin! It’s universally accepted, however, perhaps because it is temporary? Plastic surgery and steroids are judged more harshly perhaps because they fundamentally alter the body in an unnatural way.
Note: A lawsuit against an ugly wife who was “too good at makeup” would be the next greatest fake lawsuit story.
In Defense of the Unibrow
There’s something to be said about being happy in your own skin. NBA basketball player Anthony Davis has a unibrow, and has said repeatedly that it doesn’t bother him, that he’s happy with how he looks, and that he isn’t going to shave it. If it were me, I would wax or shave it immediately. If I had no access to shaving equipment and was on an island, I would lean my head over an active volcano in hopes that rogue lava spray would land between my eyes and divide my brows. But I think Davis’s perspective is admirable in our superficial world. After all, what exactly is wrong with having hair connecting your eyebrows?
There’s no mechanical disadvantage to the unibrow, is there? From my understanding, the purpose of eyebrows is to divert water and sweat from dripping down into the eyes. Based on the shape of the brow, liquid generally flows to the outer edge. But for water that goes to the center, it would seem that the unibrow would help. It could hold a few extra drops. So perhaps Mr. Davis is a more advanced human than the rest of us.
My Conclusion
Do what you want with your body, because you are the one who must live with the consequences. This includes what happens if you don’t fix defects in your appearance as well as judgements from others if you do.
Every person has defects, big and small. And they DO matter.
People get bullied for how they look. People lose jobs for how they look. Other people are given jobs for how they look. How we look, whether we like it or not, plays a massive role in our experience on Earth. And for that reason alone, I’m going to preside as fake Judge in this fake story case and reverse the ruling in favor of Mrs. Uglyface. Good for her.
She probably should have told him she had so much plastic surgery, but then maybe they wouldn’t have had a fake ugly baby, who might change the world. But most important of all, let’s not forget that the ugly baby isn’t a problem in the first place. The ugly baby can get plastic surgery, too, and have more ugly babies to keep the plastic surgeons and lawyers happy in their mansions.
I think we’ve all learned something here.
